The Bottom Shelf Bites Back
Fall is here and winter is around the corner. While I love Spring and Summer, they’re made for drinking a cold beer at a ball game or on a fishing boat. And of course, hot weather simply begs for you to be kicking back with a Rum/Tequila drink somewhere tropical. But, in my humble opinion the crisp fall weather is meant for sitting around a camp fire sipping bourbon and seeing who can out lie the last bastard’s summer fish story or about the upcoming deer hunt.
But, bourbon can be tricky. What’s good and what’s not? Bottles can run in the $100’s and even $1,000’s of dollars for some high class hootch. And let’s face it, most of us can’t tell the difference between a $75 of booze and a $200 one. Nor can we afford it if we did. I’d rather spend that money on more guns, thank you. Thanks to all these fancy, smancy folks, we’re being inundated with how we should go out and buy high end liquors and booze. Today there are so many bourbon distilleries you can’t keep them all straight. We’re supposed to all go out and bring home that fancy $200 bottle for our ‘collection’. Not sure how to tell anyone this, but if you’re collecting whiskey you’re doing it wrong. I don’t know about the rest of you, but my basement bar, doesn’t hold ‘collections’. It holds booze that my friends and I like to drink and sit around and bullshit to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Blantons is a decent pour, but if it wasn’t for the cutesy-pie little horse stopper, would it be as famous or expensive? Whistle Pig is nice, but is it $80+ nice?
So, I thought I’d get together an educated panel, (or at least three of my friends who were willing to swill rotgut whiskey in my basement), and have a blind taste test with five different bottles of Bourbon. The criteria are as follows:
-Under $30 (750ml)
-Can’t be a flavored Whiskey
-Will be served over 1 large ice cube
-Has to be from a reputable distillery that is American and at least 50 years old.
-My expert pourer (my beautiful wife, Deb) will pour without anyone’s knowledge of which is which and keep track of the results.
Of course we will talk about simple things, like aroma, flavor, bitterness, and aftertaste. But, enough of that. Let’s get to the tastings. In no particular order of preference, here we go. I will list winners(losers) at the end.
Bottle # 1. My wife poured a stiff two-fingers over one large cube. Hell, we still have four more to try. So in hind sight, and the next four she poured only one finger. Anyway, the consensus was little to no bite, started smooth, with a sweet taste on the tongue, with a warm, tingle on the back of the tongue going down. As one tester said, it had a strong, virile finish. How’s that for ‘official’ booze tasting language? We all thought it a decent pour
Bottle # 2. Much more burn and bitterness. Had a leathery taste. Ice made it a lot smoother. Not much burn on the backside.
Bottle # 3. Strong chemical odor. One tester called it cloudy and harsh. Another asked my wife if she had actually poured turpentine by mistake. Nobody is drinking this without a mixer.
Bottle # 4. Smooth in front, burns on the backside. One said terrible aftertaste. Another said, “Bums would be happy to drink this.” Didn’t mellow as it gets cold.
Bottle # 5. Not sure if it was because it was the last one or not, but NOBODY liked this. I had been a little scared as we progressed through the five bottles, we might get a false positive, due to tongue numbing, inebriation, etc. Nope, this one sucked. As we all took notes, I will leave you with some actual quotes. “Stings like pepper spray is in it”, “Do not drink this! I would not even use with a mixer, harsh and not a good flavor.” And the last tester said, “Started with two fingers, poured 1 and ½ out.”
So, there you have it. Let’s see what’s behind each door, shall we?
Bottle # 1-Cabin Still from Bardstown, KY. Estab in 1849. This was so cheap I could only find it in a plastic bottle 1.75 liter handle. And at that it was still under $30. BUT, this was a nice pour. We all agreed it was the best of the bunch, and I would have no problem buying this for my bar.
Bottle # 2. Old Crow. From Frankfort, KY Estab in 1835. Another okay pour. And only found in a plastic 1.75 liter handle. But, certainly a nice bourbon on a budget.
Bottle # 3. Rebel. Another KY bourbon from 1849. They do sell, 750ml glass bottle, so that is ‘uptown’, but we all thought it towards the bottom.
Bottle #4. Evan Williams. Calls itself “America’s 1st Distiller”. This one was not the favorite, which surprised a couple of us, as we actually do drink this on a budget at times. Not sure if that says more about our taste or the booze itself. But, definitely a budget bourbon.
Bottle # 5. Very Old Barton. Bottle says it’s bottled in Frankfort, KY, but if I had to guess it’s made in somebodies toilet tank, filtered through a dirty sock. Just don’t. Drink hair tonic or mouthwash instead. Now I’m unsure what to do with this leftover bottle.
So, next time you spent more than you intended on a new gun, scope, or fishing trip, and can’t afford the ‘good’ hootch, you now know what you can grab from that bottom shelf to give you the most bang for your buck.